今天我介紹一個(gè)名為優(yōu)山美地的國(guó)家公園（Yosemite National Park）。先看官方網(wǎng)站的介紹：Yosemite is not just a great valley, but a shrine to human foresight, the strength of granite, the power of glaciers, the persistence of life, and the tranquility of the High Sierra. First protected in 1864, Yosemite National Park is best known for its waterfalls, but within its nearly 1,200 square miles, you can find deep valleys, grand meadows, ancient giant sequoias, a vast wilderness area, and much more.

優(yōu)山美地不僅是一個(gè)偉大的山谷，有遠(yuǎn)見(jiàn)的前人的聖所、頑強(qiáng)的花崗巖、冰川的霸氣、恒持的生命和寧?kù)o的高脊山脈。自1864年被列為保護(hù)區(qū)，優(yōu)山美地國(guó)家公園以瀑布而聞名於世。在其近1,200 平方英里的幅員，讓您一窺深谷、大草原、入雲(yún)的老紅杉、廣闊的大自然，不能盡錄。

雖然這位文案撰寫(xiě)人（Copywriter）已經(jīng)把介紹寫(xiě)得符合大眾口味，但總覺(jué)得缺了些什麼。

再分享一篇關(guān)於優(yōu)山美地的中學(xué)生日誌，它來(lái)自三藩市灣區(qū)內(nèi)的聖荷西名為亞夫內(nèi)日校（Yavneh Day School）：

Last week, Yavneh's 5th, 6th, and 7th graders journeyed to Yosemite National Park. Our young explorers hiked for miles, crawled through bear caves, scrambled up rocks, and gazed at waterfalls. On Thursday, the majestic landscape transformed into a winter wonderland right before their eyes: It snowed, and snowed ...... and snowed! Snowmen, snow angels, and snowball fights popped up all over the campsite as the adventurers took full advantage of the magical change in weather. Throughout the journey, students deepened their friendships and their trust in one another, and discovered the power of perseverance. It was a journey that they will cherish for years to come. 

上周，亞夫內(nèi)的五六和七年級(jí)的同學(xué)到優(yōu)山美地國(guó)家公園郊遊。我校的年輕探險(xiǎn)家走了數(shù)英里的山路，爬過(guò)熊洞、步過(guò)巖石、凝視瀑布。在周四，雄偉的風(fēng)景頓成冬日仙境，盡入他們的眼簾：下雪了，下雪了…下雪了！營(yíng)地內(nèi)彈出了雪人、雪天使和雪球戰(zhàn)，這群冒險(xiǎn)家好好享用了這天氣變身的奇遇。在這旅程中，同學(xué)們加深了彼此的友情和互信，並體驗(yàn)了毅力的力量，這旅程的回憶將會(huì)長(zhǎng)存在他們的心間。

同學(xué)感言（Student Testimonials）：

Have you ever rock scrambled? While in Yosemite, we "rocked" it! We conquered our fear of heights, worked as a team, and relied on each other. – Riley (5th)

Rock it是大展身手，克服懼高是conquered our fear of heights，我們無(wú)須用學(xué)術(shù)名的懼高癥 (Acrophobia)。

We explored El Capitan West! It was steep and the path was covered with fallen trees. It was tough. But as we got to the end, it was all worth it. There was a mind-boggling view. – Lea (6th)

El Capitan是酋長(zhǎng)巖，它真的很險(xiǎn)峻。A mind-boggling view是難以置信的美景。

Overall, the tough hikes taught me how to be more independent and brave. – Aviv (5th)

用在成長(zhǎng)時(shí)independent應(yīng)叫自立，而不是獨(dú)立。

Last week in Yosemite it snowed a lot ...... It was all over the campsite and up to our ankles! We had an awesome snowfall fight, and the teachers joined in! The snow was such a beautiful sight to see. We also hiked in the snow as it was falling down on us. Even though it was freezing cold, it really brought us together and showed us how capable we are.

– Lilah(6th)

Awesome是美國(guó)人常用，就如香港年輕人口中的「勁正」。Freezing cold是寒風(fēng)刺骨，Brought us together是團(tuán)結(jié)一起。自我發(fā)掘潛能原來(lái)是Showe us how capable we are。

這一篇短文很淺白，用的詞彙也不高深，卻很有感染力。客觀來(lái)說(shuō)，靈活的日常英語(yǔ)用語(yǔ)只有生活在英語(yǔ)環(huán)境的人才會(huì)得心應(yīng)手，例如rock it、awesome和freezing cold之類(lèi)，其真摯的語(yǔ)句也是首段的官方用詞所欠缺的。

●康源 專(zhuān)業(yè)英語(yǔ)導(dǎo)師